Tuesday, September 6, 2011

0058: Armageddon

Chick: I never told anybody this before, but I hate flyin'. So it would be an awful shame to die now. 
Rockhound: That's easy for you to say. I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds. 
Chick: Boy, that's bad. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

0057: Superbad

Fogell: Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement... 
Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away. 
Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together? 
Evan: Fogell, shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

0056: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Optimus Prime:We were once a peaceful race of intelligent mechanical beings. But then came the war, between the Autobots that fought for freedom and the Decepticons that dreamt of tyranny. Over matched and outnumbered, our defeat was all but certain. But in the war's final days one Autobot ship escaped the battle, it was carrying a secret cargo which would have changed our planets fate. A desperate mission, our final hope. A hope that vanished. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

0054: WALL-E

Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: [Shelby appears onscreen in an old classified recorded message] Hey there, autopilots. Got some bad news. Um... Operation Cleanup has, well uh, failed. Wouldn't you know, rising toxicity levels have made life unsustainable on Earth.
Captain: [to himself, looking at healthy plant] Unsustainable? What?
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: Darn it all, we're gonna have to cancel Operation Recolonize. So uh, just stay the course, um... Rather than try and fix this problem, it'll just be easier for everyone to remain in space.
Captain: "Easier"?
Shelby's advisor: Mr. President, sir. Sir! Time to go.
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: [overlapping] Uh, I think - huh? Okay, I'm giving override, uh, Directive A113. Go to full autopilot. Take control of everything, and do not return to Earth. I repeat, do not return to Earth.
[puts on his gas mask and starts to leave]
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: Let's get the heck outta here. 

Monday, June 13, 2011

0053: Sin City

Shellie: If you're gonna slug me, just go ahead and get it over with, you sick bastard.
Jack Rafferty: There you go, lying about me again in front of my friends. I have never hit a woman in my life.
[Jackie-Boy hits Shellie in the face

Friday, June 10, 2011

0052: The Green Hornet

Mike Axford: You are blowing this guy completely out of proportion. 
Britt Reid: I will blow this guy in any proportion I want! 

Check out my review of the Green Horney HERE

0051: Point Break

Bodhi: It's basic dog psychology, if you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that's how people get hurt. 
Roach: Peace, through superior firepower. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

0050: Monsters verses Aliens

B.O.B.: My, would you look at the size of that...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Foot!
[Cockroach and Link jump out of the way, as the robot steps on B.O.B]
B.O.B.: [from the sole of the robot's foot, as it's walking] I got him you guys! I got...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Don't worry, I won't let go! I'm wearing him do...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down!
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down! 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

0049: Men in Black

Kay: All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
Jay: Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
Kay: A standard issue neuralyzer.
Jay: And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Kay: On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights. You're gonna get over it and decide you're better off.
Jay: Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what - you kicked HIM out! And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN. 

Monday, June 6, 2011

0048: Billy Madison

Billy Madison: No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll. 

0047: Apollo 13

Jim Lovell: Houston, we are venting something out into space. I can see it outside window one right now. It's definitely a... a gas of some sort. 
Jim Lovell: It's got to be the oxygen. 

0046: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Film for Theatres

Cybernetic Ghost: [attempting to distract Aqua Teens] Thousands of years ago I ran for treasurer of student council 
[Frylock slams door] 
Cybernetic Ghost: . It involved a lot of hard work! We decorated many cookies. We spent all night putting up green frosting and then we drew up many posters but the principle called me down to her office and informed me that I had violated election rules... 
Carl Brutananadilewski: [walking over] Yah thousands of years ago I kicked your ass... and I'm going to do it again right now! 
Cybernetic Ghost: That is what Sister Margaret kept telling me if I displayed my physically agenda in her bathroom 
[Carl whacks off Ghost's head with Tire Iron] 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

0045: Cast Away

Chuck Noland: We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, that to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn VOLLEYBALL

Friday, June 3, 2011

0044: The Town

Doug MacRay: I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people. 
James Coughlin: ...Whose car we takin'? 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

0043: Kick-Ass

Damon Macready: So... Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?
Mindy Macready: Can I get a puppy?
Damon Macready: [surprised] You wanna get a dog?
Mindy Macready: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha!
[Damon is stunned]
Mindy Macready: [laughs] I'm just fucking with you Daddy! Look, I'd love a Benchmade model 42 butterfly knife.
Damon Macready: [relieved] Oh, child... You always knock me for a loop! 

0042: Toy Story 3

Buzz Lightyear: Hold on, this is no time to be hysterical! 
Hamm the Piggy Bank: This is the perfect time to be hysterical. 
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Should we be HYSTERICAL? 
Slinky Dog: No! 
Mr. Potato Head: Yes! 
Buzz Lightyear: Maybe! But not right now! 
Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon. Let's go see how much we're going for on eBay. 

0041: Shutter Island

Teddy Daniels: So, what's our next move? 
Chuck Aule: You tell me. 
Teddy Daniels: I gotta get off this rock, Chuck. Get back to the mainland. Whatever the hell's going on here, it's bad. 
Teddy Daniels: [sotto voce] Don't worry, partner, they're not gonna catch us. 
Chuck Aule: That's right, we're too smart for 'em. 
Teddy Daniels: Yeah, we are, aren't we? 
Teddy Daniels: You know, this place makes me wonder. 
Chuck Aule: Yeah, what's that, boss? 
Teddy Daniels: Which would be worse - to live as a monster? Or to die as a good man? 

0040: How to Train Your Dragon

Hiccup: This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year, and hails the other three. What little food grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here, even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have ponies, or parrots... we have dragons. 

Sunday, May 29, 2011

0039: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 2009

Mikael Blomkvist: [about Martin Vanger] For fuck's sake, Lisbeth. His father trained him to murder at age sixteen. Anyone would be sick in the head with that kind of upbringing. 
Lisbeth Salander: Shut up about the victimizisation! He almost killed you. He raped and murdered and he enjoyed it. He had the same chances as us to chose what he wanted to be. He was no victim. He was a sadistic motherfucker who hated women. 

Saturday, May 28, 2011

0038: The Da Vinci Code

Sir Leigh Teabing: [to Sophie] Can you keep secrets? Can you hear a thing and never say it again? And puzzles and codes, I imagine they lay down to you like lovers. 

0037: Superman Returns

Lex Luthor: [angrily throws coconut into the ocean] 
Kitty Kowalski: Lex! We only have six of those! 
Lex Luthor: Six? 
[laughs maniacally] 
Lex Luthor: [screaming] I would trade three hundred THOUSAND coconuts and every ounce of your blood for a QUART OF GASOLINE! 
Kitty Kowalski: But what will we have to eat? 
Lex Luthor: [eyes the dog in Kitty's arms maliciously] 

0036: Spider Man 2

Peter Parker: [referring to Ock's fusion project] Now, tell me how to stop it! 
Dr. Otto Octavius: It can't be stopped. It's self-sustaining now. 
Peter Parker: Think! 
Dr. Otto Octavius: Unless... the river. Drown it! 
[a tentacle grabs Peter's arm] 
Dr. Otto Octavius: I'll do it. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

0035: Titanic

Rose: I am not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command. I am your fiancée. 
Cal Hockley: My fian... my fiancée! Yes, you are, and my wife. My wife in practice if not yet by law, so you will honor me. You will honor me the way a wife is required to honor a husband. Because I will not be made a fool, Rose. Is this in any way unclear?
Rose: No. 

0034: Megamind

[a solar-powered laser starts to activate] 
Minion: [at a monitor] Death ray readying! 
Megamind: Let's see if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE! 
[nothing happens] 
Megamind: [to Minion] Fire! 
Minion: [at monitor] Still warming up, sir. 
Megamind: Warming up? The sun is WARMING UP? 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

0032: The Hangover

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you. 
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better. 
Phil Wenneck: [yells from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot! 
Stu Price: I should go. 
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

Monday, May 23, 2011

0031: Ice Age

Sid: Hey, what's your problem? 
Manny: *You're* my problem. 
Sid: Well, I think you're stressed, and that's why you eat so much. I mean, it's hard to get fat on a vegan diet. 
Manny: I'm not fat. It's all this hair. It makes me look poofy. 
Sid: Fine. You have fat hair, but when you're ready to talk, I'm here. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

0030: Troy

Agamemnon: [approaches king] Good day for the crows. 
Triopas: Remove your army from my land. 
Agamemnon: Why, I like your land, I think we'll stay. I like your soldiers too. 
Triopas: They won't fight for you. 
Agamemnon: That's what the Messenians said, and the Acardians, and the Opeians, now they all fight for me. 
Triopas: You can't have the whole world, Agamemnon. It's too big, even for you. 
Agamemnon: I don't want to watch another massacre. Let's settle this war in the old manner. Your best fighter against my best. 
Triopas: And if my man wins? 
Agamemnon: We'll leave Thessaly for good. 
Triopas: Boagrius! 
[cheers from Thessalian army. Boagrius comes out from the centre of the army] 
Agamemnon: Achilles! 
Triopas: Boagrius has this effect on many heroes. 
Agamemnon: Be careful who you insult, old king. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

0029: Pearl Harbor

Danny: You're a rotten drunk... always have been. 
Rafe: Well, you're a lousy friend... that's a new development.